Many secondary and elementary students have difficulty getting their homework done. The following is a typical example of parents trying to get their children to do their homework.

This scenario is all too common in many families. Homework can be a difficult problem for both parents and children. Often, both will engage in verbal power struggles where parents make demands and their children quietly or actively do the opposite. Force invites rebellion. How can parents avoid this no-win power struggle and instead gain cooperation?

HOMEWORK

We all know how frustrating it can be . . .

If getting homework completed is a concern of yours, the following may be helpful:

1. Most parents begin by saying, "It's 8:00. Do you have your homework done?" If the child has shown no attempt to do so, parents usual end up saying, "Get in there and get your homework done . . . NOW!" A demand such as this invites resistance.

Parents can learn to give specific, limited choices about homework to their children. Giving a choice of the length of time that the child works may also be helpful. "Do you want to start your homework at 6 p.m. or 7 p.m. tonight?" or "Would you prefer to work for 30 minutes and then take a break, or would you rather do it all in one shot?" Children are more likely to cooperate with choices, because they are part of the decision-making process. Instead of power struggles, children gain credit for their decisions.

2. Establish a regular homework time and locate a working space. This will reduce parents' reminding and nagging each evening. Also, children will more likely remember on their own if they have this consistent and regular homework time. Most children of all ages enjoy routine and feel secure with structure.

If homework is not assigned from school, children should use this time for learning activities, such as reading high-interest library books, doing activities by themselves or with family members, or studying. The activity should also be chosen with the child's help. Don't make it seem like more schoolwork. Often, it is helpful for the child to see the whole family doing something quiet and learning related. Try to engage the family in a ritual of reading time, for example, or a time for independent educational activities. Avoid cross-examining your child each night as to whether they have homework or not.

3. A parent can be available to help, but do not do the homework for the child. Even if the child's progress is slow and labored, the final product must be the student's own work. Don't deprive your child of learning and self-responsibility because you fear he or she may fail, or because you can do it better.

4. Ultimately, it is the child's responsibility to use scheduled time for homework. Consequences for not doing the work should come from the teacher, supported by the parent. The parent can set up a learning environment at home and help, but the teacher and the student are in the best position to set up constructive, logical consequences for not doing work.

The teacher and the student know the homework contract, and the amount and quality of work expected. Even if you feel guilty, let your children learn from their own mistakes, though it may seem they will fail temporarily.

5. Parents often believe their child's first complaint about their homework is that it is too long or too difficult. Let your child fight his or her own battles whenever reasonable.

If your child seems overloaded, he or she can talk with the teacher or advisor. If this does not resolve the problem, a three-way conference with teacher, parent, and student can be scheduled. The following questions should be addressed: (1) how much homework is expected; (2) how much time the child should spend on homework; and (3) what consequences the teacher has set up at school for homework that’s not finished.

6. Encourage the effort and enjoyment your child experiences doing his or her homework, not the end product or perfect answer. The child's learning to think critically, to be self-motivated, and to enjoy learning are very important. These factors often lead to good grades.

Even if your child makes many mistakes on a page of work, encourage the effort made and notice the problems done right. This will help build self-confidence that will affect him or her or the rest of his or her life. "Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative" is a saying that definitely applies here!

In addition to the basic guidelines, parents may want to adopt these helpful ideas:

1. Limit weeknight television and other activities until homework has been completed. To do so, allow your child to select one show per week or per night for viewing.

2. Use a tape recorder to help study word lists, foreign language vocabulary, or math facts.

3. Parents can show they value education by taking an active interest in their child's education in an out of the classroom. This can be accomplished in many effective ways: reviewing textbooks, materials, and papers with your child; attending school functions; taking family outings to libraries, museums, art galleries, plays, and historical points of interest. A family can learn together and have fun doing it!

4. Spelling can be very difficult for many children.

Help your child study by using his or her senses of sight, hearing, and touch to learn. The child can say the word out loud, write the word out, or even trace or write the word on a rough surface with his or her fingers to feel the letters.

Don't be surprised if your child knows the list for a test, but then spells the word wrong when using it in a sentence or paragraph. He or she may be concentrating on the creative process and not that single word.

Instead of working on all the week's words in one evening, encourage your child to study several words each evening. Have him or her use the spelling words in oral sentences. Tell a story using them.

Encourage your child to write original stories and poems. Have him or her keep them in a notebook. Make this a very special activity.

Have your child keep a personal spelling list and use a dictionary to verify spelling.

Encourage older students to keep track of new spelling and vocabulary words. Flashcards may be useful for drills.

5. Math discourages many children (and parents, too).

Encourage your child to work alone on math problems. If after a reasonable time the child asks for help, work on the process of arriving at the answer, not the end product. This may result in a good learning experience for both of you.

There are plenty of real-world math experiences for both you and your child. Encourage him or her to do your grocery shopping with you. Let him or her compare quantities and prices, estimating the total cost of your order. Have your child keep a record of how an allowance is spent. Play math games you make up.

Students should be encouraged to get outside help from tutors if they (or you!) do not understand the math concepts being studied.

6. Reading can be just as hard for certain students.

Parents can do much to help their children learn to love reading. Read stories and poems to them. Have your children read to you. Help them build their own personal libraries, and also encourage them to borrow books they can read. Use school libraries as well as local public ones. Older students should learn to use libraries at colleges and universities.

7. Organization.

Students need to learn to use study time appropriately. Planning ahead for long-range assignments and setting up specific study schedules daily and weekly can be helpful.

8. GET HELP!

There are times when the stress of homework can do damage to your relationships at home. When this happens it is extremely important to bring someone in from outside the family to work with your child. You might consider hiring a tutor or a college student to come in and work with your child every day after school. This should not be considered a crutch or a "band-aid" to a bigger problem. If it works to diminish the stress at home and also helps your child succeed at school, then there really isn't a problem anymore. If, after you have made these changes, there continues to be an overwhelming amount of stress and conflict surrounding homework, you might want to consider speaking to a professional in the education field, e.g., an Educational Therapist, a school counselor, or an Educational Psychologist. They will be helpful in diagnosing any underlying problems that may exist. Remember, there are alternatives and solutions to these difficulties. Don't give up hope . . . homework doesn't last a lifetime, but your relationship with your child does.

In conclusion, work as a team with your child and your child’s school. Limit the "big struggle," and be flexible–you can get through the homework stress together.